Best Friends

Visit here if you want to see how Mateo and Sarah spent their weekend.

Lifting Burdens: The Atonement of Jesus Christ

Love Week 2011

Let's take a BIG.GIANT.SIGH of relief.  It's over.  Whew.  One of the most difficult challenges for me is to not replay events of Valentine's past and wallow in self-misery.   This year I made an effort to make NEW and IMPROVED memories.

Last Saturday, we went to P.F. Chang's as a family with all of the other thousands of couples that had a brilliant idea to celebrate Valentine's Day two days early.  On Monday (Valentine's Day), Cristian worked tweener which means 1:00 p.m.-10:00 p.m. shift.  (Hello, can anyone say "tender mercy of the Lord???")  The kids and I enjoyed a lovely evening at the baseball fields (Ahem . . . let's see how strong of a person you REALLY are Heidiram).   Cristian booked reservations for us to go on Friday to a bed and breakfast in Jacksonville.

My attitude and mood the entire Valentine's week was less than stellar.  It must have something to do with those unresolved issues still needing to be worked through.  While we were at the bed and breakfast, Cristian and I talked.  And talked.  And talked.  And talked.  Cristian and I share a LOT of history.  We share THREE beautiful children.  We have been married for 15 years.  I appreciate his efforts this past year to make amends.  I appreciate all he does to provide for our family.  I appreciate repentance.  I appreciate forgiveness.  I appreciate . . . appreciation.  He is trying.  He really is trying.

I have signed off Facebook for the next month or two.  I am not ready to completely shut down my account because let's face it . . . Facebook is FREE therapy when Dr. Cam is booked.  Instead of focusing my discretionary time and energies on my FB friends, I am going to focus my friendship efforts on the guy who lives with me and who is trying so hard to be my real-life friend.

Time for one more BIG.GIANT.SIGH of relief.  (And maybe even an anti-anxiety pill or two.)

The end.

Bored Games

This post is dedicated to all my friends and family who have ever wondered why I am not a fan of playing bored . . . oops I mean board games or any other kind of games (besides dominoes) with my family.  (And by the way, we were NEVER allowed to say the word bored or boring in my house growing up.  Am I a rebel or WHAT posting that word on my blog for ALL to see???)

Valentine's Bingo Night.  Fun right?  Lovely right?  What a better way to spend Valentine's Day than playing games with the family.  Tino had baseball practice tonight until 7:30 p.m. and Mateo has been anxiously awaiting his special game night.  (So there may or may not have been tears when I told Mateo I could not handle one more second of Valentine Bingo at the school last week . . .I had a sinus infection, ear infection and had been on my feet for 12+ hours.  My bed was calling my name.)  Anyway, our happy compromise was that we could finish up Valentine's Bingo at home . . . with the family . . . on Valentine's Day.

Here are reasons why I am not a fan of game night:
#1 It takes approximately 45 minutes to one hour to get things started.
#2 Mateo tends to dominate and make all the rules.  He changes the rules so many times that I have a hard time following which version of the game we happen to be playing.
#3 Sarah is ultra-competitive and will try to win at all costs (usually there is cheating involved) . . . which usually involves more Mateo rules and then a tear or two shed by Mateo because nobody is listening to him and/or we refuse to comply with his ridiculousness.

Here are the reasons I could be swayed into becoming a fan of game night:
#1 Forced family bonding.
#2 Awesome prizes for Bingo night.  (Mateo had Sarah empty out her Valentine's stash and hand over all the stuff she didn't like or didn't want.  Mateo did the same.)  If we can ever get through our first round of Bingo . . . I can look forward to some Kit Kats, Hershey Kisses or Reese's.  If I really want to win the grand prize, I can choose from an assortment of Sponge Bob, Spider Man, or Princess pencils.  If I "win" those, I will take them to school and regift them to my irresponsible 6th and 7th grade students who still have not received the memo that they are to show up to school with a pencil and paper EVERY.DAY.
#3 Mateo calls 5 minute breaks about every 2 minutes of game play.  It's not enough time for me to get into the groove of correcting papers and entering grades, but it is enough time to blog about these memorable events.

Almost Valentine's Day

How am I feeling about that?  Thank you for asking.  And if you didn't ask, I KNOW you were just DYING to ask, but didn't DARE.  It's o.k.  I will go ahead and tell you.  If I start to think too much about it, I start to feel sick to my stomach.  But then I redirect my thoughts.

I think about my beautiful children.  I think about Cristian. I think about repentance.  I think about diet coke.  I think about forgiveness.  I think about Sees molasses chips.  I think about love.  I think about compassion.  I think about maybe a little bit more love.  I think about the gift of discernment and being led by the Spirit.  I think about my family in Utah and California.  I think about miraculous cures from an illness that has no cure.  I think about empathy.  I think about a job that pays my bills and student loan debts.  I think about friendship.  I think about manis and pedis at Magic Nails.  I think about serving others. I think about open lines of communication.  I think about all my gh*tto girls and gh*tto guys (middle school students) that tell me daily I am "their role model".  I think about putting one foot in front of another and living one day at a time.  I think about my Savior Jesus Christ who will help me power through this.

It's almost Valentine's Day.  And I am o.k. with it.  This to shall pass.

Charity

We had an absolutely AMAZING Branch Conference last week.  One of the topics that our Branch President felt inspired that we needed to discuss was charity.  Now when I say charity, I am not talking about the "you see a poor, homeless person on the side of the road and offer them something to eat" type of charity.  I am talking about the charity that President Thomas S. Monson discussed when he said "rather than being judgmental and critical of each other, may we have the pure love of Christ for our fellow travelers in this journey through life".

One more thing that President Monson said is "I consider charity-or "the pure love of Christ"- to be the opposite of criticism and judging.  In speaking of charity, I do not at this moment have in mind the relief of the suffering through the giving of our substance.  That of course, is necessary and proper.  I have in mind the charity that manifests itself when we are tolerant of others and lenient toward their actions, the kind of charity that forgives, the kind of charity that is patient.  I have in mind the charity that impels us to be sympathetic, compassionate, and merciful, not only in times of sickness and affliction and distress but also in times of weakness or error on the part of others."

Our Branch President challenged us to be more full of charity.  Right as the Branch President was finishing his remarks, a sister in the branch passed me a note.  She asked if we wanted to go to her house after church for dinner.  This is a sister that used to be my best friend.  This is a sister that I used to see every day, multiple times per day, EVERY SINGLE DAY of the week.  And then all of a sudden one day we didn't see each other.  And we didn't call each other.  Days passed into weeks.  Weeks passed into years.  It has been nearly 31/2 years since we have had anything other than a once a month hello from across the chapel or a quick "saludo" and peck on the cheek as we enter Relief Society.  She was so excited that I accepted the invitation.  She immediately texted her husband and said "You will never believe this, but Heidi said yes.  She is coming to dinner with her family."  Of course, her husband who is in charge of cooking on the weekends, responded by saying "Do we even have any food in our house that we can make for dinner?"  To which she responded, "Heidi is simple.  She doesn't care.  Her family doesn't care.  They will be perfectly content with whatever food we have to offer them."

Bottom line of my story:  We spent more than 5 hours at their house.  Dinner and Family Home Evening turned into dinner, FHE, mending of fences and building of bridges.  We cried, we embraced, we caught up on the last 3 1/2 years of our lives.  She told me that she had wanted to invite me over for over one year now, but she always felt that it wasn't the right time.   She said as she was saying her prayers that morning, she felt once again that she needed to invite us over to dinner.  And then of course, the Branch President's talk sealed the deal.  She KNEW she needed to act on the prompting she had received.

President Thomas S. Monson stated "Charity is having patience with someone who has let us down.  It is resisting the impulse to become offended easily.  It is accepting weaknesses and shortcomings.  It is accepting people as they truly are.  It is looking beyond physical appearances and attributes that will not dim through time.  It is resisting the impulse to categorize others."

You know how I feel about charity right about now?  Super duper happy.  I have a long way to go, but I will take one little step at a time.  And I am grateful for a friend that followed the promptings of the Spirit and was able to look past my faults and reach out her hand to help lift me up.

Walking the Path

Today's Sunday School lesson was really powerful. It was nothing new.  In fact, I taught a very similar lesson last week in Primary.  But since I am hard-headed and stubborn, I guess I need things repeated once, twice, and maybe even three times.

We learned about John the Baptist.  We also discussed repentance.  As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints we believe that the first principles and ordinances of the Gospel are: first, Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ; second, Repentance; third, Baptism by immersion for the remission of sins; fourth, Laying on of hands for the gift of the Holy Ghost.   What does it mean to repent? 

• Feeling godly sorrow for sin
• Confessing and forsaking sins
• Making amends, where possible, for wrongs done
• Obeying the commandments
• Turning to the Lord and serving him.

As our Sunday School teacher discussed the above-mentioned steps to repentance, I made a mental note of observations I have made this past year that someone near and dear to me has followed.  

Without mentioning any names, there has also been someone who has been holding a BIG GIANT GRUDGE and may or may not have been processing and reprocessing hurt and the pain associated with certain wrongdoings.  

It hit me like a ton of bricks this morning that I know somebody that truly has been walking the path of repentance.  And I know someone else who is preparing herself  daily to follow the path that leads to the miracle of forgiveness.    

Callings and Tender Mercies: Part Two

O.K. so first off a big thank you to Andrea, Layne, and Jessica for playing my game.  And thanks to anyone else who has commented but I haven't seen and/or published your comment yet.

Let me give a brief background about church service.  First of all, we do not have a paid ministry.  Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints give of their time and talents without being paid monetarily.  Some like to say they are paid in the form of blessings received from heaven.  Anyway, last year when my plate was overflowing I asked to be released from my calling as 1st Counselor in the Primary.  Now some might think that this is completely taboo and you simply do not ASK to be released from a calling.  I am living proof that I did not get struck down by lightning for asking to be released.  I did not feel like I was in the position to be able to serve.

Fast forward about 6 months to writing a thesis, finishing up graduate school, completing the rest of my month to month teaching contract, Sarah's health issues on the down-low, personal therapy going well, marriage therapy going better than expected, etc.  By July, I felt like I was in a place emotionally, spiritually, and physically to where I could once again serve in the church.  So I texted my Branch President and told him to put me to work again.  And I e-mailed him.  And I called him.  And I texted again . . .  You get the drift.  He called me in and told me he had been fasting and praying about a calling that would not only be a good fit for me, but something that the Lord would have me do at this point in my life.  And I waited.  And waited.  And waited.  For SEVERAL MONTHS.

Towards the end of October, I was called to be the . . . . . . drumroll please . . .  Branch Employment Specialist.  Yeah.  Me.  Heidiram.  The Branch Employment Specialist.  Do you realize I have little to no experience in this department?????  I started babysitting when I was 9 years old, followed by a couple of nannying stints in college.  In high school I worked for a skin care salon.  Since college, all of my jobs have had some type of teaching involvement.  I've taught ages newborn to ninety.  But ME????  Help OTHERS?  FIND A JOB?

The church has put great efforts into helping members and non-members alike return to school,  find employment, put to use their entrepeneur skills, etc.  For more information visit www.ldsjobs.org.

Our Stake Presidency has been highly encouraging leaders and members of the church to FILL.OUT.THEIR.PERSONAL.PROFILE.   You can customize your profile to meet your needs . . . networking, casually looking for a job, actively looking for a job, etc.  The message we keep getting as employment specialists is how can we expect others to fill out their profile if we haven't completed our own profiles?   (You know, the whole lead by example thing).  I finally got around to completing my profile.  It took me over two months to complete because I couldn't get past the "Me in 30 Second" and "Power Statement" portions.  I finally completed it though.  And guess what?  There was a MATCH in the online job database.  My skills + my education + my interests= job opportunity available.  On a complete whim, I applied for the position.

Within one week of pushing the SEND button of my resume, I received an application, background check, and security clearance forms from the recruiter.  I filled out the application and accompanying paper work.  On Sunday evening, I received an e-mail from the hiring manager who wanted to schedule a job interview with me for Monday.  The interview went very very well.  I got an offer.  And the job starts FEBRUARY 9.  It pays WAY more than I am making now.  Benefits are better than Cristian's company or the school district where I currently work.  The only problem is it starts February 9.  In San Antonio, TX.  And I live in Orlando.  Did I mention the job starts February 9?????  In San Antonio, TX???

I have so many friends and friends of friends who have been unemployed and have searched endlessly for jobs.  We are talking 100, 200, even 300 resumes sent out and job applications filled out.  I have friends who have been unemployed for  6 months, 1 year, and 18 months respectively.  I sent out 1 resume.  I filled out 1 application.  I had one interview WITH THE HIRING MANAGER.  And I got offered the job.  WOW.   Speechless.

Yes, I get annoyed at some of the members in my branch that think that my full-time job is to find THEM a job.  But in the process of my service, look at the door that was opened for me.  Heavenly Father has my back.  He is watching out for me.  I have options.  I have options.  I know, it might sound even crazier than my life is right now . . . but I.HAVE.OPTIONS.  I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who looks out for me,helps me, and reminds me on a daily basis that tender mercies abound.

Callings and Tender Mercies

So have I mentioned my latest calling in church?  Go ahead.  Take a guess.  I guarantee that never in one million and one years will you guess.  I will give you a hint.  It's a calling that I have NEVER, EVER had in my whole entire life.  O.K.  so of course my handful of readers are mostly cyber friends.  I will give you some help in guessing by telling you the church callings that I have had over the past 20 years:

• Relief Society President, R.S. Teacher, Visting Teacher Coordinator
• Young Women's President, YW 1st Counselor, YW 2nd Counselor, Beehive Adviser
• Primary 1st Counselor (times two), Primary 2nd Counselor (times three), Nursery Leader, Primary Chorister (times two), Wolf Den Leader, Bear Den Leader
• Gospel Doctrine Teacher, Gospel Essentials Teacher (times 2), Sunday School Teacher 12-13 year olds (times 3)
• Organist
• Seminary Teacher 

Humor me.  Just because you know, I am trying to be happy and all.  What is my latest church calling?  Leave a comment in the comments section and I will tell you a little story about my calling in tomorrow's post. I am not even going to promise some fabulous prize.  If you know me, you know how well the post office and I get along.   It's all well and good in theory, but I lack the follow-through skills to actually be able to send you a prize.  I can however offer you a big giant cyber hug . . . or maybe even a kiss on the cheek.

Lessons and Dreams

It's me again.  And I am among the living.  In fact, I feel like I am doing even more than just the mere day to day survival.  On Tuesday night, I met with our new Stake President.  It was very brief visit that lasted no longer than 30 minutes total.  Yet, the lessons I learned in that 30 minutes were very profound and can help me turn the corner of this deep dark despair I have felt the past year.

#1  I expressed that my heart still HURTS.  President Shill reminded me that my Savior Jesus Christ KNOWS exactly how I feel.  He said if there is anyone that can relate to having a broken heart . . . it is our Savior Jesus Christ.  He DIED of a broken heart.  Wow.  I knew that, but I guess had never thought of it that way.  And then he told me the same thing that so many of my friends and family members have told me.  If I will just hand everything over to the Lord, he will wipe my tears, take away my pain, and heal my broken heart.

#2  Through my life experiences, Heavenly Father has given me the opportunity to learn how to FORGIVE.  President Shill reminded me to not confuse forgiveness with trust.  He reminded me that I have the responsibility to forgive and that task lies completely on my shoulders.  As far as TRUST goes, that has to be earned back through the actions of those that have caused the breech in trust.

Sitting in the Stake President's office reminded me of the counsel my former Stake President gave me last year.  President Halversen told me to pay attention to my dreams.  He told me that my dreams would lead me and guide me and help me know what to do. Unfortunately,  the only dream I remember is the "cruise ship" dream.  Throughout the past year, I have had variations of the same dream over and over again.  In this dream, I am always on a cruise ship.  I have lost my husband and I am trying to find him.  But the unnerving part of this dream/nightmare is that I don't know who my husband is. And then every once in awhile, my friend Rojo, a former missionary that I worked with in the Dominican Republic, shows up in my dream.  I ask him if he has seen my husband.  (And of course I am hoping that he will say "Oh, yes I just saw ___________" and then he will tell me where my husband is.  And I am always waiting for Rojo to tell me the name of my husband so that I can see whether or not I still am married to Cristian or if I have moved on and have married . . . the unknown man of my dreams.)

The other version of this same cruise ship dream is that my anonymous husband and I decide to do a tour/excursion.  And the excursion involves snorkeling.  But instead of snorkeling, we are on a fishing boat dangling our feet in the water.  And instead of seeing beautiful fish and other sea creatures, the ocean is filled with ALLIGATORS.  And we are stupid and continue to dangle our feet in the water trying to entice the alligators close enough to the boat, but at the same time trying not to get attacked by the alligators.  So that's my dream.  Any psychology majors out there?  I've tried to do a google search and haven't come up with any answers as to what this dream/nightmare means.

So since I haven't had any luck in the dream department, today in church a sister came up to me and told me she had a very vivid dream about me.  She said that I stopped by her house to visit and I was so incredibly happy.   I asked her what I had done to find that happiness.  Of course, she didn't have the answer for me, but she said that I was glowing and radiating happiness in her dream.    Maybe sooner rather than later I will be able to discover what will make me happy (for time and all eternity).  She said it was a dream that touched her deeply.  In fact, she was teary eyed as she told me.  She said "Hold on Heidi.  You are almost there.  You will find your happiness."