Walking the Path

Today's Sunday School lesson was really powerful. It was nothing new.  In fact, I taught a very similar lesson last week in Primary.  But since I am hard-headed and stubborn, I guess I need things repeated once, twice, and maybe even three times.

We learned about John the Baptist.  We also discussed repentance.  As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints we believe that the first principles and ordinances of the Gospel are: first, Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ; second, Repentance; third, Baptism by immersion for the remission of sins; fourth, Laying on of hands for the gift of the Holy Ghost.   What does it mean to repent? 

• Feeling godly sorrow for sin
• Confessing and forsaking sins
• Making amends, where possible, for wrongs done
• Obeying the commandments
• Turning to the Lord and serving him.

As our Sunday School teacher discussed the above-mentioned steps to repentance, I made a mental note of observations I have made this past year that someone near and dear to me has followed.  

Without mentioning any names, there has also been someone who has been holding a BIG GIANT GRUDGE and may or may not have been processing and reprocessing hurt and the pain associated with certain wrongdoings.  

It hit me like a ton of bricks this morning that I know somebody that truly has been walking the path of repentance.  And I know someone else who is preparing herself  daily to follow the path that leads to the miracle of forgiveness.    

Callings and Tender Mercies: Part Two

O.K. so first off a big thank you to Andrea, Layne, and Jessica for playing my game.  And thanks to anyone else who has commented but I haven't seen and/or published your comment yet.

Let me give a brief background about church service.  First of all, we do not have a paid ministry.  Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints give of their time and talents without being paid monetarily.  Some like to say they are paid in the form of blessings received from heaven.  Anyway, last year when my plate was overflowing I asked to be released from my calling as 1st Counselor in the Primary.  Now some might think that this is completely taboo and you simply do not ASK to be released from a calling.  I am living proof that I did not get struck down by lightning for asking to be released.  I did not feel like I was in the position to be able to serve.

Fast forward about 6 months to writing a thesis, finishing up graduate school, completing the rest of my month to month teaching contract, Sarah's health issues on the down-low, personal therapy going well, marriage therapy going better than expected, etc.  By July, I felt like I was in a place emotionally, spiritually, and physically to where I could once again serve in the church.  So I texted my Branch President and told him to put me to work again.  And I e-mailed him.  And I called him.  And I texted again . . .  You get the drift.  He called me in and told me he had been fasting and praying about a calling that would not only be a good fit for me, but something that the Lord would have me do at this point in my life.  And I waited.  And waited.  And waited.  For SEVERAL MONTHS.

Towards the end of October, I was called to be the . . . . . . drumroll please . . .  Branch Employment Specialist.  Yeah.  Me.  Heidiram.  The Branch Employment Specialist.  Do you realize I have little to no experience in this department?????  I started babysitting when I was 9 years old, followed by a couple of nannying stints in college.  In high school I worked for a skin care salon.  Since college, all of my jobs have had some type of teaching involvement.  I've taught ages newborn to ninety.  But ME????  Help OTHERS?  FIND A JOB?

The church has put great efforts into helping members and non-members alike return to school,  find employment, put to use their entrepeneur skills, etc.  For more information visit www.ldsjobs.org.

Our Stake Presidency has been highly encouraging leaders and members of the church to FILL.OUT.THEIR.PERSONAL.PROFILE.   You can customize your profile to meet your needs . . . networking, casually looking for a job, actively looking for a job, etc.  The message we keep getting as employment specialists is how can we expect others to fill out their profile if we haven't completed our own profiles?   (You know, the whole lead by example thing).  I finally got around to completing my profile.  It took me over two months to complete because I couldn't get past the "Me in 30 Second" and "Power Statement" portions.  I finally completed it though.  And guess what?  There was a MATCH in the online job database.  My skills + my education + my interests= job opportunity available.  On a complete whim, I applied for the position.

Within one week of pushing the SEND button of my resume, I received an application, background check, and security clearance forms from the recruiter.  I filled out the application and accompanying paper work.  On Sunday evening, I received an e-mail from the hiring manager who wanted to schedule a job interview with me for Monday.  The interview went very very well.  I got an offer.  And the job starts FEBRUARY 9.  It pays WAY more than I am making now.  Benefits are better than Cristian's company or the school district where I currently work.  The only problem is it starts February 9.  In San Antonio, TX.  And I live in Orlando.  Did I mention the job starts February 9?????  In San Antonio, TX???

I have so many friends and friends of friends who have been unemployed and have searched endlessly for jobs.  We are talking 100, 200, even 300 resumes sent out and job applications filled out.  I have friends who have been unemployed for  6 months, 1 year, and 18 months respectively.  I sent out 1 resume.  I filled out 1 application.  I had one interview WITH THE HIRING MANAGER.  And I got offered the job.  WOW.   Speechless.

Yes, I get annoyed at some of the members in my branch that think that my full-time job is to find THEM a job.  But in the process of my service, look at the door that was opened for me.  Heavenly Father has my back.  He is watching out for me.  I have options.  I have options.  I know, it might sound even crazier than my life is right now . . . but I.HAVE.OPTIONS.  I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who looks out for me,helps me, and reminds me on a daily basis that tender mercies abound.

Callings and Tender Mercies

So have I mentioned my latest calling in church?  Go ahead.  Take a guess.  I guarantee that never in one million and one years will you guess.  I will give you a hint.  It's a calling that I have NEVER, EVER had in my whole entire life.  O.K.  so of course my handful of readers are mostly cyber friends.  I will give you some help in guessing by telling you the church callings that I have had over the past 20 years:

• Relief Society President, R.S. Teacher, Visting Teacher Coordinator
• Young Women's President, YW 1st Counselor, YW 2nd Counselor, Beehive Adviser
• Primary 1st Counselor (times two), Primary 2nd Counselor (times three), Nursery Leader, Primary Chorister (times two), Wolf Den Leader, Bear Den Leader
• Gospel Doctrine Teacher, Gospel Essentials Teacher (times 2), Sunday School Teacher 12-13 year olds (times 3)
• Organist
• Seminary Teacher 

Humor me.  Just because you know, I am trying to be happy and all.  What is my latest church calling?  Leave a comment in the comments section and I will tell you a little story about my calling in tomorrow's post. I am not even going to promise some fabulous prize.  If you know me, you know how well the post office and I get along.   It's all well and good in theory, but I lack the follow-through skills to actually be able to send you a prize.  I can however offer you a big giant cyber hug . . . or maybe even a kiss on the cheek.

Lessons and Dreams

It's me again.  And I am among the living.  In fact, I feel like I am doing even more than just the mere day to day survival.  On Tuesday night, I met with our new Stake President.  It was very brief visit that lasted no longer than 30 minutes total.  Yet, the lessons I learned in that 30 minutes were very profound and can help me turn the corner of this deep dark despair I have felt the past year.

#1  I expressed that my heart still HURTS.  President Shill reminded me that my Savior Jesus Christ KNOWS exactly how I feel.  He said if there is anyone that can relate to having a broken heart . . . it is our Savior Jesus Christ.  He DIED of a broken heart.  Wow.  I knew that, but I guess had never thought of it that way.  And then he told me the same thing that so many of my friends and family members have told me.  If I will just hand everything over to the Lord, he will wipe my tears, take away my pain, and heal my broken heart.

#2  Through my life experiences, Heavenly Father has given me the opportunity to learn how to FORGIVE.  President Shill reminded me to not confuse forgiveness with trust.  He reminded me that I have the responsibility to forgive and that task lies completely on my shoulders.  As far as TRUST goes, that has to be earned back through the actions of those that have caused the breech in trust.

Sitting in the Stake President's office reminded me of the counsel my former Stake President gave me last year.  President Halversen told me to pay attention to my dreams.  He told me that my dreams would lead me and guide me and help me know what to do. Unfortunately,  the only dream I remember is the "cruise ship" dream.  Throughout the past year, I have had variations of the same dream over and over again.  In this dream, I am always on a cruise ship.  I have lost my husband and I am trying to find him.  But the unnerving part of this dream/nightmare is that I don't know who my husband is. And then every once in awhile, my friend Rojo, a former missionary that I worked with in the Dominican Republic, shows up in my dream.  I ask him if he has seen my husband.  (And of course I am hoping that he will say "Oh, yes I just saw ___________" and then he will tell me where my husband is.  And I am always waiting for Rojo to tell me the name of my husband so that I can see whether or not I still am married to Cristian or if I have moved on and have married . . . the unknown man of my dreams.)

The other version of this same cruise ship dream is that my anonymous husband and I decide to do a tour/excursion.  And the excursion involves snorkeling.  But instead of snorkeling, we are on a fishing boat dangling our feet in the water.  And instead of seeing beautiful fish and other sea creatures, the ocean is filled with ALLIGATORS.  And we are stupid and continue to dangle our feet in the water trying to entice the alligators close enough to the boat, but at the same time trying not to get attacked by the alligators.  So that's my dream.  Any psychology majors out there?  I've tried to do a google search and haven't come up with any answers as to what this dream/nightmare means.

So since I haven't had any luck in the dream department, today in church a sister came up to me and told me she had a very vivid dream about me.  She said that I stopped by her house to visit and I was so incredibly happy.   I asked her what I had done to find that happiness.  Of course, she didn't have the answer for me, but she said that I was glowing and radiating happiness in her dream.    Maybe sooner rather than later I will be able to discover what will make me happy (for time and all eternity).  She said it was a dream that touched her deeply.  In fact, she was teary eyed as she told me.  She said "Hold on Heidi.  You are almost there.  You will find your happiness."