Spring Break Staycation Day #1

Today was the first day of Spring Break for the kiddos.  I had to make an appearance at work, otherwise I got the privilege of filling out a leave of absence form and taking a sick day or personal leave day.    I had my final observation for the year.  Happy, happy, joy, joy (insert SARCASM).

I have come to the conclusion that middle school is most definitely NOT for me.  Why is there a mass exodus of teachers EVERY SINGLE YEAR at this particular school?  I GET IT now.  The only reason I am holding out is for the students.  (Does this sound familiar from last year?)  Another reason is that Cristian reminds me continually that I.AM.NOT.A.QUITTER and I need to finish out my contract.

While I was at school, Cristian and Mateo worked on mowing the lawn, Tino worked on complaining about how much he did NOT want to go to the beach, and Sarah worked on filling up the car with every single beach toy, towel, and beach accessory (umbrella, tent, etc,) known to man.  My plan since I am feeling under the weather (fever and throat ON FIRE) was to take a pillow to the beach and sleep the entire day.  Unfortunately, the couple of hours that I was at work zapped all of the emotional and physical energy I had left.  I literally slept THE ENTIRE AFTERNOON and did not leave the comfort of my air conditioned house or comfy bed.

Here are some photos from Cristian and kiddos' day at the beach.  Please do not mention that you saw these pictures to Tino.  He told me "it's not FAIR.  Why would you do that to me?  If you blog pictures of me, I will blog pictures of you."  And if he finds out these are actually blogged, he will refuse to pose for any other photos the rest of the week.

Cocoa Beach, FL

How to Get Out of a Funk

My blog friend Stie has started "How-To Tuesdays".  As every single one of my five or six faithful blog readers know, I am always running just a little bit late for the party.  I have not had ANY idea what bits of wisdom I could possibly add to the blogosphere.   But then it struck me . . . almost like a bolt of lightning.  I can post about "How to Get Out of a Funk".  This post is not funny.  This post is not creative.  Actually it might be rather dull and boring, but here is my "How-To Tuesday" . . . brought to you on a Thursday. I have referenced forgiveness and trust in other blog postings.  This post includes everything else I haven't mentioned before.  (Or maybe I have mentioned it, but if you are anything like me it helps to REITERATE some of these steps.)

1.  Have an event in your life happen that you never ever possibly imagined could happen to you.  It could be health related, family related, job related, etc.  You choose.

2.  If you are a spiritual person, seek spiritual guidance ASAP.  Seek the counsel of church leaders AND don't be afraid to ask for priesthood blessings or to be put on the prayer rolls/lists of your local church congregation.  Be honest with the person or people that you go to for spiritual guidance.  They cannot help you if you do not confide in them.  They are usually pretty in tune with the Spirit so they will call you out almost immediately if you are withholding information.

3.  Go through an intense GRIEVING process.  Cycle through the grieving process over and over again.  Realize that there are several stages to the grieving process.

1. Denial and Isolation.At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place, and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. This stage may last a few moments, or longer.
2. Anger.
   The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt (even if he's dead), or at the world, for letting it happen. The grieving person may be angry with himself/herself for letting the event take place, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it.
3. Bargaining.
   Now the grieving person may make bargains with God, asking, "If I do this, will you take away the loss?"
4. Depression.
   The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath.
5. Acceptance.
   This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.

 4.  Vow to not say anything to anyone about the event or chain of events that has put you into a funk.  Then about 10 minutes after making that vow, pick up the phone and call your nearest family member or friend.  Cry on the nearest family member or friend's shoulder if they happen to live close.  After about one week of grieving, decide that it's too much to handle alone.  Delegate the family member or friend that you had confided in to call and notify the rest of the family members (parents and other siblings) and let them know what is going on in your life.  The same family member or friend will also be very good at sending out an SOS text or message to former missionary companions and/or friends letting them know "You really need to push yourself back into Heidi's life right now.  She needs you".

5.  Prioritize.  Put all things God related first.  Realize that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ will help you get through this.  Visit your temple/church often, fast and pray, read your scriptures, etc.  Learn to become spiritually selfish.

6.  Learn to scale back and say "NO".  "I would love to go to the party this weekend but . . ."  "I know we scheduled a play date with the kids but . . ."  Stop with the excuses.  There is absolutely no need to justify and make excuses.  Just learn to say no.  And leave it at that.   At first when you start saying no this will really throw people off.  NOBODY is used to you saying no (employers/supervisors, PTA, SAC, church leaders, neighbors, family, friends, etc.) and this will be a paradigm shift for all involved.  I repeat . . . learn to say no.  And make no excuses.  After all, most of the excuses sound pretty lame anyway.  Just give it up while you are AHEAD.  Don't say yes just to say yes.  It frustrates those you have said "yes" to and it makes them want to bop you over the head for turning into a big giant FLAKE who is completely incapable at this time of making and keeping commitments.

7.  Listen (for once) to husband's advice and counsel.  For now, just take one day at a time.  Have five things and five things only on the daily to-do list.  Sleep.  Eat.  Go to Work.  Go to School.   PRAY.  (And once you have finished writing your thesis and your Master's degree has been officially conferred, you can cross "go to school" off your list.)

8.  Give up the need to know.  Since this is a vulnerable time in your life, the more you find out could open the door to more hurt and more pain.  Try not to be too curious.  Relinquish your status as a card-carrying member of the CIA.  (Although keep in mind that if you are looking for employment in the future, know that you are a darn good investigator, detective, and even whistle-blower).

9.  Learn to let go.  Embrace the motto "Let Go and Let God."  Heavenly Father knows his plan for us and it's on HIS time not on our time.  Let the dust settle before making any big decisions.  There is no need to rush.  No need to hurry.  Sit back.  Relax.  And try to enjoy the holding pattern you are in.

10.  Read.  Put scriptures at the top of the list.  After the daily scripture study, find time for "pleasure reads" such as The Peacegiver:  How Christ Offers to Heal Our Hearts and Homes, The Holy Secret, The Speed of Trust, Simplify:  A Guide to Caring for the Soul, or a devotional like Bread or Stones.

11.  Make plenty of ME time.  My ME time has included:  visiting the temple, working out with a personal trainer, visiting the chiropractor on a weekly or at least semi-monthly basis,  seeing a therapist (minimum of twice per month), waxing and facials once a month, and manis/pedis once a month.  I haven't been a "hang out with friends" type of person since I got married, but I now try to make girl time and hanging out with friends a priority.  It happens once every month to six weeks which is HUGE for me.  Go ahead.  Call me social butterfly.

12.  Keep in mind that regret of the past and fear of the future are twin thieves of today.  Try ever so hard to live in the moment.  Try not to obsess and get caught up in putting a deadline on difficult decisions.  Allow the dust to settle.  

In this time of vulnerability it is so easy to fall into the role as victim.  Perhaps these challenges were given to you so that you would be forced to look into the mirror.  And reflect.  And make changes that will make you an even better person inside and out.  If your funk is a direct result caused by poor choices of others, make this your new mantra:  "I feel with loving compassion the problems of others without getting caught up emotionally in whatever God gives them for their own growth."

If there is another person involved in your funk, that person needs to be willing to make changes on his or her own.  Pray for that person.  OFTEN.  Try not to fix the other person.  It simply will not work.  Resist the urge to  get emotionally sucked in to their problems.  Remember, at this point your plate is still full and you need to worry about getting yourself out of the funk.  You can't rescue and try to help someone else get out of their funk. The desire for true change and change of heart needs to come from within.

Stay tuned for next week's installment of "How to Be a Supportive Family Member or Friend to Someone Who is Trying to Get Out of a Funk".

I Am So Vein, Vein, Vein

And I am also VAIN.  My journey with my legs began about one year ago.  At the same time I hired my personal trainer and started visiting medical specialists that I didn't even know existed, I also decided I was going to get rid of my UGLY varicose and spider veins on my legs, once and for all.  I didn't know how much longer I was going to have medical insurance, so I high-tailed it to my dermatologist to do my yearly skin cancer check AND remove my ugly veins on my legs. Come to find out, my veins were way too deep.  My dermatologist refused to even touch them with a ten-foot pole.  I was referred to a vein specialist.  Once again, I figured that it would be a quick and simple fix.  Not so much.

Come to find out, the leg and ankle swelling that I had suffered with for YEARS had nothing at all to do with my bad knee (skydiving accident 1988).  It may or may not have had something to do with the 67 pounds I packed on while preggo with Tino.  And it may have also been hereditary.  The vein specialists confirmed that I was not crazy and that the swelling of my ankles and legs from the knee down WAS.NOT.NORMAL . . . nor was it IN.MY.HEAD.  (It was all indeed in my legs.  Ha-ha.) 

What I thought was going to be a quick cosmetic fix, turned into a medically necessary urgency.  I had multiple bad veins on both my right and left legs.  Instead of the blood flowing back up to my heart and recirculating, the blood stopped at my knee and pooled back down to my ankles and feet.  Hence, the reason for the constant leg, ankle and feet swelling AND the consistent throbbing pain that I went to bed with every night and woke up every morning with.  The docs were surprised that I hadn't had any major blood clots or any other setbacks since my veins were in such bad condition.

Today I just had my fourth leg vein surgery.  I only have two more left.  After those, I will have four sessions of this.  And then I will be able to do what I set out to do one year ago . . .  be rid of the spider and varicose VEINS.  Have I mentioned how incredibly GRATEFUL I am for health insurance benefits? 

I do have to say that I thought the whole Lamaze breathing thing for giving birth was completely OVER RATED.  But let me tell you, I have been putting my breathing techniques into good use with these surgeries.  To put it into perspective, just imagine trying to shove a garden hose through the opening of a small coffee stirrer.  And then have an elephant step onto your groin area.  That's what it feels like as they are trying to slip the catheter through the vein and then guide the laser through the catheter.  When they fire up the laser you feel this MAJOR pressure in the groin area.  O.K. so that might be a slight exaggeration, but two of my three child-births were without meds and/or epidural.  If I have to choose between childbirth without meds/epidural and leg vein treatment, I would choose childbirth hands down.  And that IS NOT an exaggeration.

Secrets

O.K. so I have a confession to make.  I might as well come clean.  For Christmas, my parents gave Tino a subscription to a really cool magazine.  I am the one that makes the weekly trek down the street to the mailbox.  This means that I am the first person to find out that Tino's cool magazine for the month has arrived.  I sneak it into the house.  I hide it under my pillow.  This magazine ROCKS.  Am I a bad person for taking my son's magazine when it was a gift intended for him and not for me?  Is it wrong for me to enjoy this magazine and read it cover to cover before handing it over?  After having the magazine in my possession for approximately one week, I take it into his room and exclaim excitedly "Hey Ti-man . . . your magazine arrived!!!" 

Seriously, I don't know what the appeal is.  Is it that I am the parent of a recently turned 12 year old?  Is it that I work with teens every single day?  Is it that I once was a teen?

One of the articles this month is about tolerance. Elder Russell M. Nelson states:  Tolerance is a virtue much needed in our turbulent world. But we must recognize that there is a difference between tolerance and tolerate. Your gracious tolerance for an individual does not grant him or her license to do wrong, nor does your tolerance obligate you to tolerate his or her misdeed. That distinction is fundamental to an understanding of this vital virtue.

An erroneous assumption could be made that if a little of something is good, a lot must be better. Not so! Overdoses of needed medication can be toxic. Boundless mercy could oppose justice. So tolerance, without limit, could lead to spineless permissiveness.

The Lord drew boundary lines to define acceptable limits of tolerance. Danger rises when those divine limits are disobeyed. Just as parents teach little children not to run and play in the street, the Savior taught us that we need not tolerate evil. “Jesus went into the temple of God, … and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers” (Matthew 21:12; see also Mark 11:15). Though He loves the sinner, the Lord said that He “cannot look upon sin with the least degree of allowance” (D&C 1:31).

Real love for the sinner may compel courageous confrontation—not acquiescence! Real love does not support self-destructing behavior.

I had never before distinguished a difference between tolerance and tolerating misdeeds. This topic has been weighing heavily on my mind lately.  If Tino knew my deep dark secret, would he have tolerance towards me or would he tolerate my misdeed of magazine stealing borrowing? 

On a more serious note, how often do we turn a blind eye towards someone that has made poor choices and is spiraling down the slippery path of self-destruction?  How often are we willing to confront that person courageously?  Things that make you go hmmmmmmmmmmm.
   

Facebook Fasting

I was completely inspired by my cousin to close my FB account.  Except for I couldn't do that because I am a complete and total FB addict.  I have a very addictive personality.  I go through cycles.  My addictions go something like this:  blogging, coupon clipping and deal-finding, community service and/or politics, food and/or exercising/working out, and FB.

Instead of closing my account, I decided I would go on a FB fast.  My family was right.  They mocked me and told me I couldn't stay away from FB for more than 2 weeks.  I was shooting for two months. Why 2 months?  #1 Just to prove my family wrong.  #2 Two months marks a very important date that I was advised by my former Stake President to wait for before I make any decisions that could impact my family for better or for worse.

I was FB free for ALMOST 2 weeks.  I have noticed that although FB is a huge time suck, it is healthy for me because I am able to vent.  FB is my free therapy when I am not able to rush downtown after work and visit Dr. Cam (the therapist I pay to help me work on my ISSUES).  It actually turned into more of an issue that I wasn't on FB.  I received text messages, e-mails, and phone calls from family/friends asking me if everything was o.k.  I even got stopped in the foyer of church last Sunday by two people making sure everything was alright because I hadn't been updating on FB.

This morning before work, Cristian and I had a deep conversation.  Tonight when Cristian got home from work he asked me why I hadn't told him (about two months ago) the things I told him this morning.  I responded that I was trying to edit for him and that I didn't want to let him know the worries and disappointments of my world.  He then told me that my editing function is broken.  He said I don't edit.  I accumulate.  I keep everything inside until I can't possibly hold anything else in.  Then I burst.  And explode.  Or meltdown.  (I think this morning may have been a combination of all three.)

Effective immediately, Cristian is changing tactics with me.  Instead of just assuming that all is well in my world, he is going to ask questions and encourage me to talk.  He wants to help me be less of an accumulator.  (One of the biggest problems of being an accumulator is that I have difficulty LETTING THINGS GO and NOT HOLDING GRUDGES.)    Anyway, with the combined help of Cristian, FB, a little bit of blogging here and there, and Dr. Cam . . .  I will try to be less of an accumulator.

And don't worry friends and family all is well in my world  . . . according to my most recent FB status.