Family Friday

O.K.  I know that it's a little bit difficult to tell if I am being sarcastic, serious, etc.   I realize that there is a fine line between "keeping it real" and having the editing function of my brain appear as if it has completely malfunctioned.  I still can't determine whether or not I am still in a total state of shock or if it's denial or if it's even real.

Have you ever watched The Truman Show?  I kind of feel like Jim Carry's character in that movie.  Now I am thinking, evaluating, and trying to distinguish between what has been "real" in my life and what was just a dream that never really existed in the first place.

Let's talk about families.  I remember about 18 years ago (cough-cough) when I first got home from my mission.  One of my very first post-mission callings was to serve as a teacher in the Relief Society.  One of the lessons that I taught had to do with teachings and doctrines of the church.  Bottom line was that some things we don't fully understand, but we need to just let it go and place it on a back shelf for the time being.  We shouldn't waste our time, efforts, or energies trying to figure it out.  I'm not talking about things like the Atonement of Jesus Christ or baptism and confirmation.  I'm talking about topics dealing with things such as polygamy or why blacks didn't receive the Priesthood until 1978.

So I have one of those topics that I truly DO NOT UNDERSTAND.  It's the whole concept that Families Can Be Together Forever.  My heart aches for this.  It yearns for this.  It is something that I want MORE THAN ANYTHING in the world.  How can I achieve this lofty goal if everyone is not "on board" with this plan?

I remember when I first got back from California/Utah in August.  One of the first songs that we sang in Primary was "Families Can Be Together Forever".  I remember that day TRYING to hold it together.  TRYING to not completely lose it in front of 60 Primary children as I lead the song.  But my heart hurt.  And the tears came.  Thank goodness it was borderline allergy season, because I was able to blame it on the allergies.  But WOW, did that ever leave an impression on me. 

I go back and forth on this concept.  The one side of the argument says . . . "What on earth did I ever do to deserve this? Together . . . FOREVER?  Seriously?  Am I THAT bad of a person?  Have I lived THAT horrible of a life?  FOR-EVER???"  And then the other side of the argument says . . ."Don't worry about TIME.  We will have the ETERNITIES to get this figured out and straightened up. It will all work out in the end because it's part of Heavenly Father's Plan."

 

Fast forward to the last several weeks.  I am starting to see this from a different perspective.  I still don't truly understand how this will all work out.  However, I truly believe in my heart that Heavenly Father has a plan for me.  I believe that my idea and/or dream of a forever family can someday become a reality.  In the meantime, I just need to have FAITH.  And PATIENCE.  And lots and lots of HOPE.

Thank you for your quiet prayers.  And thank you for not providing a bunch of external noise.  I need the quiet now more than I have ever needed it in my entire life.  I am in the process of making some HUGE decisions that will not only have a direct impact on my well-being, eternal happiness and salvation, but my children's as well.  Now that's a BIG responsibility.