Walking the Path

Today's Sunday School lesson was really powerful. It was nothing new.  In fact, I taught a very similar lesson last week in Primary.  But since I am hard-headed and stubborn, I guess I need things repeated once, twice, and maybe even three times.

We learned about John the Baptist.  We also discussed repentance.  As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints we believe that the first principles and ordinances of the Gospel are: first, Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ; second, Repentance; third, Baptism by immersion for the remission of sins; fourth, Laying on of hands for the gift of the Holy Ghost.   What does it mean to repent? 

• Feeling godly sorrow for sin
• Confessing and forsaking sins
• Making amends, where possible, for wrongs done
• Obeying the commandments
• Turning to the Lord and serving him.

As our Sunday School teacher discussed the above-mentioned steps to repentance, I made a mental note of observations I have made this past year that someone near and dear to me has followed.  

Without mentioning any names, there has also been someone who has been holding a BIG GIANT GRUDGE and may or may not have been processing and reprocessing hurt and the pain associated with certain wrongdoings.  

It hit me like a ton of bricks this morning that I know somebody that truly has been walking the path of repentance.  And I know someone else who is preparing herself  daily to follow the path that leads to the miracle of forgiveness.    

Callings and Tender Mercies: Part Two

O.K. so first off a big thank you to Andrea, Layne, and Jessica for playing my game.  And thanks to anyone else who has commented but I haven't seen and/or published your comment yet.

Let me give a brief background about church service.  First of all, we do not have a paid ministry.  Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints give of their time and talents without being paid monetarily.  Some like to say they are paid in the form of blessings received from heaven.  Anyway, last year when my plate was overflowing I asked to be released from my calling as 1st Counselor in the Primary.  Now some might think that this is completely taboo and you simply do not ASK to be released from a calling.  I am living proof that I did not get struck down by lightning for asking to be released.  I did not feel like I was in the position to be able to serve.

Fast forward about 6 months to writing a thesis, finishing up graduate school, completing the rest of my month to month teaching contract, Sarah's health issues on the down-low, personal therapy going well, marriage therapy going better than expected, etc.  By July, I felt like I was in a place emotionally, spiritually, and physically to where I could once again serve in the church.  So I texted my Branch President and told him to put me to work again.  And I e-mailed him.  And I called him.  And I texted again . . .  You get the drift.  He called me in and told me he had been fasting and praying about a calling that would not only be a good fit for me, but something that the Lord would have me do at this point in my life.  And I waited.  And waited.  And waited.  For SEVERAL MONTHS.

Towards the end of October, I was called to be the . . . . . . drumroll please . . .  Branch Employment Specialist.  Yeah.  Me.  Heidiram.  The Branch Employment Specialist.  Do you realize I have little to no experience in this department?????  I started babysitting when I was 9 years old, followed by a couple of nannying stints in college.  In high school I worked for a skin care salon.  Since college, all of my jobs have had some type of teaching involvement.  I've taught ages newborn to ninety.  But ME????  Help OTHERS?  FIND A JOB?

The church has put great efforts into helping members and non-members alike return to school,  find employment, put to use their entrepeneur skills, etc.  For more information visit www.ldsjobs.org.

Our Stake Presidency has been highly encouraging leaders and members of the church to FILL.OUT.THEIR.PERSONAL.PROFILE.   You can customize your profile to meet your needs . . . networking, casually looking for a job, actively looking for a job, etc.  The message we keep getting as employment specialists is how can we expect others to fill out their profile if we haven't completed our own profiles?   (You know, the whole lead by example thing).  I finally got around to completing my profile.  It took me over two months to complete because I couldn't get past the "Me in 30 Second" and "Power Statement" portions.  I finally completed it though.  And guess what?  There was a MATCH in the online job database.  My skills + my education + my interests= job opportunity available.  On a complete whim, I applied for the position.

Within one week of pushing the SEND button of my resume, I received an application, background check, and security clearance forms from the recruiter.  I filled out the application and accompanying paper work.  On Sunday evening, I received an e-mail from the hiring manager who wanted to schedule a job interview with me for Monday.  The interview went very very well.  I got an offer.  And the job starts FEBRUARY 9.  It pays WAY more than I am making now.  Benefits are better than Cristian's company or the school district where I currently work.  The only problem is it starts February 9.  In San Antonio, TX.  And I live in Orlando.  Did I mention the job starts February 9?????  In San Antonio, TX???

I have so many friends and friends of friends who have been unemployed and have searched endlessly for jobs.  We are talking 100, 200, even 300 resumes sent out and job applications filled out.  I have friends who have been unemployed for  6 months, 1 year, and 18 months respectively.  I sent out 1 resume.  I filled out 1 application.  I had one interview WITH THE HIRING MANAGER.  And I got offered the job.  WOW.   Speechless.

Yes, I get annoyed at some of the members in my branch that think that my full-time job is to find THEM a job.  But in the process of my service, look at the door that was opened for me.  Heavenly Father has my back.  He is watching out for me.  I have options.  I have options.  I know, it might sound even crazier than my life is right now . . . but I.HAVE.OPTIONS.  I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who looks out for me,helps me, and reminds me on a daily basis that tender mercies abound.

Callings and Tender Mercies

So have I mentioned my latest calling in church?  Go ahead.  Take a guess.  I guarantee that never in one million and one years will you guess.  I will give you a hint.  It's a calling that I have NEVER, EVER had in my whole entire life.  O.K.  so of course my handful of readers are mostly cyber friends.  I will give you some help in guessing by telling you the church callings that I have had over the past 20 years:

• Relief Society President, R.S. Teacher, Visting Teacher Coordinator
• Young Women's President, YW 1st Counselor, YW 2nd Counselor, Beehive Adviser
• Primary 1st Counselor (times two), Primary 2nd Counselor (times three), Nursery Leader, Primary Chorister (times two), Wolf Den Leader, Bear Den Leader
• Gospel Doctrine Teacher, Gospel Essentials Teacher (times 2), Sunday School Teacher 12-13 year olds (times 3)
• Organist
• Seminary Teacher 

Humor me.  Just because you know, I am trying to be happy and all.  What is my latest church calling?  Leave a comment in the comments section and I will tell you a little story about my calling in tomorrow's post. I am not even going to promise some fabulous prize.  If you know me, you know how well the post office and I get along.   It's all well and good in theory, but I lack the follow-through skills to actually be able to send you a prize.  I can however offer you a big giant cyber hug . . . or maybe even a kiss on the cheek.

Lessons and Dreams

It's me again.  And I am among the living.  In fact, I feel like I am doing even more than just the mere day to day survival.  On Tuesday night, I met with our new Stake President.  It was very brief visit that lasted no longer than 30 minutes total.  Yet, the lessons I learned in that 30 minutes were very profound and can help me turn the corner of this deep dark despair I have felt the past year.

#1  I expressed that my heart still HURTS.  President Shill reminded me that my Savior Jesus Christ KNOWS exactly how I feel.  He said if there is anyone that can relate to having a broken heart . . . it is our Savior Jesus Christ.  He DIED of a broken heart.  Wow.  I knew that, but I guess had never thought of it that way.  And then he told me the same thing that so many of my friends and family members have told me.  If I will just hand everything over to the Lord, he will wipe my tears, take away my pain, and heal my broken heart.

#2  Through my life experiences, Heavenly Father has given me the opportunity to learn how to FORGIVE.  President Shill reminded me to not confuse forgiveness with trust.  He reminded me that I have the responsibility to forgive and that task lies completely on my shoulders.  As far as TRUST goes, that has to be earned back through the actions of those that have caused the breech in trust.

Sitting in the Stake President's office reminded me of the counsel my former Stake President gave me last year.  President Halversen told me to pay attention to my dreams.  He told me that my dreams would lead me and guide me and help me know what to do. Unfortunately,  the only dream I remember is the "cruise ship" dream.  Throughout the past year, I have had variations of the same dream over and over again.  In this dream, I am always on a cruise ship.  I have lost my husband and I am trying to find him.  But the unnerving part of this dream/nightmare is that I don't know who my husband is. And then every once in awhile, my friend Rojo, a former missionary that I worked with in the Dominican Republic, shows up in my dream.  I ask him if he has seen my husband.  (And of course I am hoping that he will say "Oh, yes I just saw ___________" and then he will tell me where my husband is.  And I am always waiting for Rojo to tell me the name of my husband so that I can see whether or not I still am married to Cristian or if I have moved on and have married . . . the unknown man of my dreams.)

The other version of this same cruise ship dream is that my anonymous husband and I decide to do a tour/excursion.  And the excursion involves snorkeling.  But instead of snorkeling, we are on a fishing boat dangling our feet in the water.  And instead of seeing beautiful fish and other sea creatures, the ocean is filled with ALLIGATORS.  And we are stupid and continue to dangle our feet in the water trying to entice the alligators close enough to the boat, but at the same time trying not to get attacked by the alligators.  So that's my dream.  Any psychology majors out there?  I've tried to do a google search and haven't come up with any answers as to what this dream/nightmare means.

So since I haven't had any luck in the dream department, today in church a sister came up to me and told me she had a very vivid dream about me.  She said that I stopped by her house to visit and I was so incredibly happy.   I asked her what I had done to find that happiness.  Of course, she didn't have the answer for me, but she said that I was glowing and radiating happiness in her dream.    Maybe sooner rather than later I will be able to discover what will make me happy (for time and all eternity).  She said it was a dream that touched her deeply.  In fact, she was teary eyed as she told me.  She said "Hold on Heidi.  You are almost there.  You will find your happiness."


 

Thanksgiving 2010

 

 

 

 

 

 

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Although Grandma and Grandpa were greatly missed, we invited some friends over that have become like our adopted family members in Orlando. Carla and Sammie, The Meyerson Family (Chad, Meagan, Ashlin, and Tayley), and the Elders.

Funny enough, I got to know both Carla and Meagan in cyberspace. Carla and Meagan were my FB friends introduced to me through other friends. Carla attended our same church building, but the English speaking congregation. One day last summer, we ran into each other at Aquatica. Mateo and Sarah hit it off with Sammie, who is about 14 months older than Mateo. I met Meagan through one of my former zone leaders and A.P.s in the mission (Kelly Smith). Almost two years ago, he told me he has a sister that would be relocating to the Orlando area. Meagan and I corresponded via e-mail and FB for almost one year before actually meeting in person this summer.

Even though it's a little bit late for the "I am grateful for" Thanksgiving speech, I am especially grateful this year for my parents and siblings who lend a listening ear and are such examples and an inspiration to me, a patient husband, loving children, supportive friends, Priesthood blessings, missionaries who have made good choices thus far in their life so they can bless my family as they visit our home, awesome health insurance, a college education, a job to help me pay off student loans, and answers to prayers.

Christmas Gifts

 

There are no Christmas presents wrapped and underneath the tree, but guess who I found the other day?

It's My Day!!!!!

Sarah loves being in charge of writing the events of the week on the family calendar. She has known for the past couple of days that Thursday and Friday is her special day. On the calendar it says "EEG". When I asked Sarah if she remembers what that means, she told me yes. She was very excited to be hang out with me for 2 days. McDonald's pancakes for breakfast on our way there with those yummy chicken nugget breakfast things (translation: hash browns), and Flippers Pizza delivery for dinner.

When we got to the parking lot of the building, she froze. She then looked up and said "Why did you trick me mommy? It's supposed to be my special day! I don't like this place. It's the S word. (Stupid). I don't want to go inside." We waited for a little over an hour for the electrodes to be attached to her scalp. And then I listened to her cry and whine and complain for the next two hours. Let's just say this is going to be a long 48 hours.

Thank goodness for Meagan, Carla, and Shannon. Their visits give her something to look forward to. Meagan just dropped off a bunch of crafts that we can do together. YIPPIE! Carla will be delivering Chipotle and McDonald's in about one hour. I think the boys will come tomorrow. And I think I will sneak into my car and drive home allowing Cristian the opportunity to sleep in the very oh so comfortable futon.

I called my buddy Manuel the other day and also spoke to Maritza requesting the big room. They both told me it was going to be occupied. We were going to have to stay in one of the smaller rooms. However, upon checkin today we were told we got the big room. YES! What this means in layman terms is there is a double bed that I can crawl into with Sarah in the middle of the night. The futon is also a larger size. And instead of being stuck in a space of 8 feet by 8 feet, we are in a room that is double the size. Thanks friends at the Epilepsy Center for hooking us up! And thanks next door seizure neighbor who was slated to stay in the big room and arrived about two minutes after we did this morning. :0) I guess that is what we call the true meaning of "first come, first served".

Delurk anyone???

O.K. Here's the scoop.  My loyal readership has gone from 3 people up to about 15.  I am not the technology queen.  So I don't have the slightest idea even HOW to spy on you spying on me.  How about giving me an early Christmas present by telling me who you are and how you stumbled upon my blog?  Thanks!

Profound Questions

A dear friend responded to my  Independence post via e-mail.  In it, she asked: 
1) What is it that you want out of your life? 2) Does this desire or want have anything to do with perfection? (Are you looking for change on an instant basis or are you able to wait/be patient for some time to allow the blessings to happen?)  

She then went on to say:

The Atonement is the most amazing power in the Universe. It has the power to set everything right. Now the timing of that is left up to the Lord. Your comment about independence is a powerful question. You said, "Will I ever be able to retrain myself to be less independent? Will I be able to to learn to depend on my spouse? Will I ever be able to learn to pick up the phone and call my visiting teacher or home teacher if I ever need anything? Will my children learn from my example of being "too independent" and then not know how to function in their own future "normal" and "healthy" relationships?..."


Heidi, what do you want? Wait, ponder and think about your answer. Really think about it. The Atonement is what fills in the gaps. Again, I know that this is not new. But stop and look at the deeper side of things. My heart breaks, loves,and longs for you to feel happy. To not just survive life, but to enjoy and live life. For your childrens' sakes, I pray that you can find daily happiness and sprinkle that on those children so that their memories of you are of someone who was loving, kind, and FUN!

Live for today.  Take the moments.  Pray for those moments so that you are not surviving, but that you are living. Live life! That is what Heavenly Father  needs you to do.

Each week prior to therapy, I review my notes from the previous week.  Last week, my therapist was running a little bit late.  Instead of reviewing the prior week's notes, I reviewed the entire notebook.  There were two common themes.  #1 Heidi's search for happiness and #2 Heidi's cold heart. (O.K., not cold heart . . . that's just my interpretation.  My guard is up.  There is a big giant stone wall built around my heart.  I have a difficult time letting ANYONE in.  Unfortunately that "Tough Heidi" fortress that I have built around my heart has prevented me from building lasting relationships with others (friends, family, co-workers, neighbors, etc.)  It's a big deal if I let anyone into my tight-knit circle of trust.  

In answer to my friend's question, what I want is to be able to know what I need in life that will truly make me happy.  And I want to be able to rely on the Savior and allow Him to heal my broken heart.  I want my friend to know that I am making an effort to live for today . . . one little step at a time.

Nightmare in Orlando

What may or may not be the worst thing to do in the planet besides clothes shopping with me?????  Clothes shopping with my firstborn son.  I put my foot DOWN this afternoon.  #1 I will NOT allow him to wear shorts in weather that is forecasted to be in the 20s tonight.  #2 I will certainly NOT allow him to wear his one pair of long pants that we purchased for him last year which now go well above his ankles.  He is insistent that the kids at school will not look down at his feet to see his pants are FLOODS.  I am insistent that middle school kids are HARSH, BRUTAL, AND SUPER DUPER MEAN.  I will NOT let my child go to school dressed like that.  He now has two new pair of pants that are not too skinny, not too baggy, not too blue, not too black, not too trendy, and not too nerdy.  Is everyone happy now?  I am.  And that's all that matters. The end.