New to the Neighborhood

  

This is about at close as my city kids will come to wildlife.  In fact, they refused to have their backs up to the cage to have their picture taken.  They decided to hang out with the armadillo while I went to Valencia yesterday to pick up all of my textbooks and have a brief training for my new J-O-B.

P.S.  Don't worry.  They didn't touch the creature.  They just looked from afar and PRETENDED like they were not nervous to be so close to it.

So what are they going to do . . . not rehire me?????

I am so highly annoyed.  In fact, I don't even know a word that even comes close to describing my feelings right now.  We have to submit our yearly lesson plans before we are allowed to leave campus and officially check out on the last day of school.  That is all well and good.  I totally understand that.  You see, because there might just be some teacher out there who chooses to show "films" daily or have "free time" and heaven forbid, not teach bell to bell.  However, I teach intensive reading.  And it is INTENSE.

My student population is taken from the lowest performing 20th percentile of the school.  When given a choice between Choice A:  Scribble down my lesson plans so that I understand the targeted benchmarks, essential questions, learning objectives, vocabulary and formative assessment for each day or Choice B:  Write formal lesson plans and upload them onto the school server, I choose Plan A.  I teach THREE different classes/curriculums which according to my contract is ONE too many.  My focus has been on moving students and getting them out of the lowest performing bracket.  My focus has NOT been on how fancy shmancy  my lesson plans look and whether or not someone else can read them.  They are FOR ME.

Here I sit . . . with my laptop . . .  rewriting one year's worth of lesson plans and transforming them from informal lesson plans to FORMAL lesson plans . . .  so that I can officially leave my job in 6 days from now.  These lesson plans are going to be kept forever.  You see, someone might just sub-poena them.  They are a public document.  But they better hurry and sub-poena them quickly.  They will be deleted from the school server by August 12, 2011 if I don't return as an employee for the school system.  O.K.  Venting done.  Back to writing lesson plans.

Can I tell you how excited I am to be treated as a RESPONSIBLE adult in my new J-O-B???????

Just Call Me ProfessorRam

Last week I was called into the principal's office and invited to sit down for a little chit chat.  I knew this chit chat was coming because according to my contract, it was about 10 days past due.  After some small talk (lovely weather) and elephant in the room talk (budget cuts), I was handed a pink slip.  It wasn't a pink slip, it was just a horrible copy of a copy of a letter that said my contract would not be renewed for the following year.  This took me COMPLETELY by surprise.  Why?  I guess I wasn't expecting anything in WRITING on SCHOOL LETTERHEAD that would make it look OFFICIALLY official that my position is being cut.   In addition, I had to inform the school administration of my intent to return (or not) right after Spring Break.  I literally felt a HUGE weight lifted from my shoulders when the non-pink pink slip was handed to me.  It would be an understatement for me to say that I was literally JUMPING FOR JOY as I walked back to my classroom.

Of course, I immediately started to think about my plans for next school year.  PLAN A (be a 50% SAHM/50% Hovering Helicopter Parent), PLAN B (teach one or two classes at the community college), PLAN C (teach one or two classes at the gym) , PLAN D (combination of PLAN A, PLAN B, PLAN C), and PLAN E (unemployment while I figure out another plan).   I knew there were some PT positions opening at the community college but with PLAN E, I could lay low for a few more months.  

I was hired for a full-time gig in the Fall at the local community college less than 24 hours after receiving my pink slip.  I will be cut back to part-time in the Spring.  When I say local community college, what I mean is there are 4 different campuses of this particular community college.  I will be teaching at the campus that is 7 miles from my home (not to be confused with the other three campuses that are approximately 15 miles, 25 miles, or 30 miles away).  I will be teaching three sections of Reading, two sections of Composition, and one section of Structure (Grammar) for the English for Academic Purposes program.  I will have an OFFICE and need to be available 10 hours per week for office hours.  Since I don't teach any classes on Fridays, I have the option to meet with students on campus OR hold virtual office hours.

I am SOOOOOOO excited.

23 Days and COUNTING

Did I mention that I turned in my "Intent to NOT Return" form at school (about 3 weeks ago)?   I have tried teaching middle school for 1 1/2 years.  I am just not cut out for middle school.  It has literally sucked the lifeblood out of me.  At the end of the day, I have absolutely NOTHING left to give to my family.  And there is something definitely wrong with that.  In 23 school days I will "retire" as a middle school intensive reading teacher.  My next career choice?  Still undetermined.  Right now I am debating between being a hovering helicopter parent of a high schooler and/or community college lecturer.

I have literally kicked into SURVIVAL mode.  If you have not heard back from me or if I have failed to call you, text you, e-mail you, visit you, etc. please don't take it personally.  In 23 days I am ready to PLAY . . . just like the three kiddos in the above photo.

How to Be a Supportive Family Member or Friend to Someone Who is Trying to Get Out of a Funk

It is another "How-To" Tuesday.  As I promised last week almost one month ago, here is the part II that goes along with my post about how to get out of a funk. .  I actually thought of this post topic first.  Last week month I met with my Branch President at church.  We were discussing a sort of "year in review" if you will.  When I first got into my funk, my former Branch President told me that if I was able to get through this I could very well help other people who had been in a similar situation.

Now granted, I would never ever in a million years wish my FUNKiness on even my worst enemy.  It has been a long, hard road but I have learned many lessons along the way.  As I spoke to my (new) Branch President last week, I may or may not have been venting about the events of the past year and how I was disappointed in the way some people had acted (or failed to act).   He listened and then responded that my suggestions might in fact help others out.  Maybe things played out the way they did because people did not KNOW how to be supportive.  Maybe they did not KNOW how to react and therefore had walked the other way just to avoid any awkard situations.

Disclaimer:  Riddle me this. How many times have you been slapped with the unfortunate news of someone's life?  How often has this been more of a forum for gossip as opposed to the person or persons sharing the information so that you would be equipped with the necessary skills and tools to reach out in fellowship and friendship to those who are truly IN A FUNK?  Have you ever been present when there is a BIG GIANT ELEPHANT in the room?  This post is inspired by my family members and friends who WERE INSPIRED and knew exactly what to do to hold my hand, lift me up, and help me get out of a funk.  Now I cannot say that I am 100% recovered from my personal funk, but I have made progress.  Next time, just in case you do not know what to do in an uncomfortable family or friend FUNKY situation, I leave with you a list of things my family and friends have done to help me.

1. First and foremost, remind your family member or friend (who is in a funk) OFTEN of the cleansing and healing power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.  AND also remind them  of the importance that forgiveness and repentance play in this most powerful process.
2. Listen to the promptings of the Holy Spirit.  If you were saying your prayers that day and you thought that you should call or visit a certain family member or friend . . . ACT upon that prompting.  My former Relief Society was so inspired.  A day after my FUNK, she called me.  And texted me.  I must have received anywhere between 20 and 30 phone calls and texts from her.  She told me she was thinking of me.  She was wondering if everything was alright.  She was persistent.  I left my phone in my car (on purpose) . . . which means I did not receive the calls or texts.  And then she showed up on my doorstep.  She kept ringing the doorbell and knocking on the door until I finally lifted the covers from over my head, crawled out of bed, and went to answer the door.  Granted this was MIDDAY and I should not have been in bed in the first place.  But she was PERSISTENT.  And she KNEW that I needed her.  She DID NOT GIVE UP.  And what about the missionaries that had not been to our house in over a year?  Well yes, they also felt prompted.  And they stopped by.  I did not answer the door, but they did leave a message on a little note card with a picture of Jesus Christ on the reverse side.  "We were in the area and thought we would pass by.  We just wanted to say hi and we hope everything is good.  Please call us if you need anything."  And you know what?  I picked up the phone and called them.  And invited them to dinner.  We have had anywhere between two and four  missionaries to our house for dinner every other Sunday for the past 13 months.  The Spirit they bring into our home uplifts me and encourages me.  (Not to mention my kids absolutely idolize them and can not wait until they grow up and can serve as missionaries.)
3. You cannot reason logic with insanity.  Now lets face it.  When someone is in a funk, you will be dealing with CRAZY or maybe even CRAZIER.  My family members and friends took me under their wings and reminded me (with kindness and compassion) that CRAZY runs in my family.  They suggested that family history of depression and anxiety + life events could very possibly lead to= depression and anxiety for me.  Although I went to the doctor kicking, screaming, and digging in my heels . . .  I was put on a very low dosage of an anti-anxiety medication.  This actually has been a win-win situation.  It has actually calmed me and taken the edge of the craziness that is out of my control (life events) and it is also just enough that when I take it before bed, I am able to get a DEEP sleep and I no longer suffer from insomnia. Oh, and therapy?  Yeah, therapy.  A definite must.  Although I knew I was going to need some SERIOUS therapy, the thing that pushed me OVER THE EDGE and made me pick up the phone and make an appointment is when my friend's husband (WHO NEVER SAYS ANYTHING) called me out in front of my 200+ FB friends and said something to the effect of "stop venting on FB.  Go get yourself a good therapist".  
4. Offering comfort food to the person in a funk is a good thing as long as it is in moderation. My comfort food was diet coke and m & m's, diet coke and chocolate covered cinnamon bears, or diet coke and Sees dark chocolate molasses chips.  Believe me, I really felt the love when I visited with family members and friends and they had MY comfort food of choice waiting for me.  And it made me feel even BETTER when they indulged and ate MY comfort food WITH me as we talked (or as I talked, they listened).  But draw the line.  In cement.  No need to overconsume.  It will lead to emergency midnight runs to CVS or Super WalMart in search of pepto-bismol and tums.
5. Try to be honest, but not BRUTALLY honest.  Acceptable comment:  "Wow, you have a big giant bird poop cloud hovering over your head."  (This comment will actually make the person in a funk laugh several days or several weeks down the road.) Unacceptable comment:  "Wow, your life really SUCKS.  I would hate to be you right now."  Acceptable comment:  "That is amazing that your husband AND sisters have offered you half of their livers . . . if they are a match."  Unacceptable comment:  "Did you hear about the liver transplant gone bad and that both the donor and receiver of the liver DIED over the weekend?"  Acceptable comment: "Let me loan you a copy of a book that truly helped me out . . . The Walk Out Woman:  When Your Heart is Empty and Your Dreams Are Lost".  Unacceptable comment:   "Would you like to attend the Single Adult barbecue  this weekend and meet all of the people out there with BIGGER problems (and skeletons in the closet)  than you have?"
6. Remind family member or friend in a funk that you can run, but you cannot hide.  My first instincts were to pack up and move out of Dodge.  Was that comfortable?  YES.  Was that reasonable?  NO.  My house, my job, and my life are here.  Running away from my problems whether it was 300 miles away  or 2850 miles away  was not  going to make the problems go away.  The issues would still remain and would need to be dealt with sooner or later.
7. Be patient and understanding of of your family member or friend's INABILITY to make simple decisions.  You might just have to step in and make decisions for the family member or friend who is in a funk.  I have one friend that met me at Aquatica with the kids at least once per week.  I have some other friends that met me at Sea World.  I have another friend that picked up Sarah and took her to dance every week.  Cristian took 1 1/2 hours out of his 1 hour lunch break EVERY FRIDAY to bring me lunch. (He has missed our weekly lunch date only 3 times in the past 13 months).  I have another friend that schedules my manis and pedis for me.  Had these plans not been made for me ahead of time, there is no guarantee that I would have even made it out of bed that day.  My friends' and family members' patience with me and that extra help in helping plan things for me that I could look forward to were like dangling the carrot in front of the rabbit.  
8. Be a friend.  I think the most difficult thing for me was to have people turn and walk the other way both literally and figuratively.  Once I no longer had anything to offer, it was as if I was non-existent.  Turning and walking the other way?  OUCH.  It's like pouring salt into the wounds.  Now I am not saying you need to all of a sudden be BFFs with a person in a funk, but "caring, kindness, and compassion" definitely help.  Be intuitive.  Sometimes your friend or family member  need you to listen.  Sometimes advice is needed or wanted.  And at times he or she simply needs a shoulder to cry on.  

I will be forever grateful to my Heavenly Father for sending supporting family members and friends my way. 

Spring Break Staycation Day #1

Today was the first day of Spring Break for the kiddos.  I had to make an appearance at work, otherwise I got the privilege of filling out a leave of absence form and taking a sick day or personal leave day.    I had my final observation for the year.  Happy, happy, joy, joy (insert SARCASM).

I have come to the conclusion that middle school is most definitely NOT for me.  Why is there a mass exodus of teachers EVERY SINGLE YEAR at this particular school?  I GET IT now.  The only reason I am holding out is for the students.  (Does this sound familiar from last year?)  Another reason is that Cristian reminds me continually that I.AM.NOT.A.QUITTER and I need to finish out my contract.

While I was at school, Cristian and Mateo worked on mowing the lawn, Tino worked on complaining about how much he did NOT want to go to the beach, and Sarah worked on filling up the car with every single beach toy, towel, and beach accessory (umbrella, tent, etc,) known to man.  My plan since I am feeling under the weather (fever and throat ON FIRE) was to take a pillow to the beach and sleep the entire day.  Unfortunately, the couple of hours that I was at work zapped all of the emotional and physical energy I had left.  I literally slept THE ENTIRE AFTERNOON and did not leave the comfort of my air conditioned house or comfy bed.

Here are some photos from Cristian and kiddos' day at the beach.  Please do not mention that you saw these pictures to Tino.  He told me "it's not FAIR.  Why would you do that to me?  If you blog pictures of me, I will blog pictures of you."  And if he finds out these are actually blogged, he will refuse to pose for any other photos the rest of the week.

Cocoa Beach, FL

How to Get Out of a Funk

My blog friend Stie has started "How-To Tuesdays".  As every single one of my five or six faithful blog readers know, I am always running just a little bit late for the party.  I have not had ANY idea what bits of wisdom I could possibly add to the blogosphere.   But then it struck me . . . almost like a bolt of lightning.  I can post about "How to Get Out of a Funk".  This post is not funny.  This post is not creative.  Actually it might be rather dull and boring, but here is my "How-To Tuesday" . . . brought to you on a Thursday. I have referenced forgiveness and trust in other blog postings.  This post includes everything else I haven't mentioned before.  (Or maybe I have mentioned it, but if you are anything like me it helps to REITERATE some of these steps.)

1.  Have an event in your life happen that you never ever possibly imagined could happen to you.  It could be health related, family related, job related, etc.  You choose.

2.  If you are a spiritual person, seek spiritual guidance ASAP.  Seek the counsel of church leaders AND don't be afraid to ask for priesthood blessings or to be put on the prayer rolls/lists of your local church congregation.  Be honest with the person or people that you go to for spiritual guidance.  They cannot help you if you do not confide in them.  They are usually pretty in tune with the Spirit so they will call you out almost immediately if you are withholding information.

3.  Go through an intense GRIEVING process.  Cycle through the grieving process over and over again.  Realize that there are several stages to the grieving process.

1. Denial and Isolation.At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place, and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. This stage may last a few moments, or longer.
2. Anger.
   The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt (even if he's dead), or at the world, for letting it happen. The grieving person may be angry with himself/herself for letting the event take place, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it.
3. Bargaining.
   Now the grieving person may make bargains with God, asking, "If I do this, will you take away the loss?"
4. Depression.
   The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath.
5. Acceptance.
   This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.

 4.  Vow to not say anything to anyone about the event or chain of events that has put you into a funk.  Then about 10 minutes after making that vow, pick up the phone and call your nearest family member or friend.  Cry on the nearest family member or friend's shoulder if they happen to live close.  After about one week of grieving, decide that it's too much to handle alone.  Delegate the family member or friend that you had confided in to call and notify the rest of the family members (parents and other siblings) and let them know what is going on in your life.  The same family member or friend will also be very good at sending out an SOS text or message to former missionary companions and/or friends letting them know "You really need to push yourself back into Heidi's life right now.  She needs you".

5.  Prioritize.  Put all things God related first.  Realize that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ will help you get through this.  Visit your temple/church often, fast and pray, read your scriptures, etc.  Learn to become spiritually selfish.

6.  Learn to scale back and say "NO".  "I would love to go to the party this weekend but . . ."  "I know we scheduled a play date with the kids but . . ."  Stop with the excuses.  There is absolutely no need to justify and make excuses.  Just learn to say no.  And leave it at that.   At first when you start saying no this will really throw people off.  NOBODY is used to you saying no (employers/supervisors, PTA, SAC, church leaders, neighbors, family, friends, etc.) and this will be a paradigm shift for all involved.  I repeat . . . learn to say no.  And make no excuses.  After all, most of the excuses sound pretty lame anyway.  Just give it up while you are AHEAD.  Don't say yes just to say yes.  It frustrates those you have said "yes" to and it makes them want to bop you over the head for turning into a big giant FLAKE who is completely incapable at this time of making and keeping commitments.

7.  Listen (for once) to husband's advice and counsel.  For now, just take one day at a time.  Have five things and five things only on the daily to-do list.  Sleep.  Eat.  Go to Work.  Go to School.   PRAY.  (And once you have finished writing your thesis and your Master's degree has been officially conferred, you can cross "go to school" off your list.)

8.  Give up the need to know.  Since this is a vulnerable time in your life, the more you find out could open the door to more hurt and more pain.  Try not to be too curious.  Relinquish your status as a card-carrying member of the CIA.  (Although keep in mind that if you are looking for employment in the future, know that you are a darn good investigator, detective, and even whistle-blower).

9.  Learn to let go.  Embrace the motto "Let Go and Let God."  Heavenly Father knows his plan for us and it's on HIS time not on our time.  Let the dust settle before making any big decisions.  There is no need to rush.  No need to hurry.  Sit back.  Relax.  And try to enjoy the holding pattern you are in.

10.  Read.  Put scriptures at the top of the list.  After the daily scripture study, find time for "pleasure reads" such as The Peacegiver:  How Christ Offers to Heal Our Hearts and Homes, The Holy Secret, The Speed of Trust, Simplify:  A Guide to Caring for the Soul, or a devotional like Bread or Stones.

11.  Make plenty of ME time.  My ME time has included:  visiting the temple, working out with a personal trainer, visiting the chiropractor on a weekly or at least semi-monthly basis,  seeing a therapist (minimum of twice per month), waxing and facials once a month, and manis/pedis once a month.  I haven't been a "hang out with friends" type of person since I got married, but I now try to make girl time and hanging out with friends a priority.  It happens once every month to six weeks which is HUGE for me.  Go ahead.  Call me social butterfly.

12.  Keep in mind that regret of the past and fear of the future are twin thieves of today.  Try ever so hard to live in the moment.  Try not to obsess and get caught up in putting a deadline on difficult decisions.  Allow the dust to settle.  

In this time of vulnerability it is so easy to fall into the role as victim.  Perhaps these challenges were given to you so that you would be forced to look into the mirror.  And reflect.  And make changes that will make you an even better person inside and out.  If your funk is a direct result caused by poor choices of others, make this your new mantra:  "I feel with loving compassion the problems of others without getting caught up emotionally in whatever God gives them for their own growth."

If there is another person involved in your funk, that person needs to be willing to make changes on his or her own.  Pray for that person.  OFTEN.  Try not to fix the other person.  It simply will not work.  Resist the urge to  get emotionally sucked in to their problems.  Remember, at this point your plate is still full and you need to worry about getting yourself out of the funk.  You can't rescue and try to help someone else get out of their funk. The desire for true change and change of heart needs to come from within.

Stay tuned for next week's installment of "How to Be a Supportive Family Member or Friend to Someone Who is Trying to Get Out of a Funk".

I Am So Vein, Vein, Vein

And I am also VAIN.  My journey with my legs began about one year ago.  At the same time I hired my personal trainer and started visiting medical specialists that I didn't even know existed, I also decided I was going to get rid of my UGLY varicose and spider veins on my legs, once and for all.  I didn't know how much longer I was going to have medical insurance, so I high-tailed it to my dermatologist to do my yearly skin cancer check AND remove my ugly veins on my legs. Come to find out, my veins were way too deep.  My dermatologist refused to even touch them with a ten-foot pole.  I was referred to a vein specialist.  Once again, I figured that it would be a quick and simple fix.  Not so much.

Come to find out, the leg and ankle swelling that I had suffered with for YEARS had nothing at all to do with my bad knee (skydiving accident 1988).  It may or may not have had something to do with the 67 pounds I packed on while preggo with Tino.  And it may have also been hereditary.  The vein specialists confirmed that I was not crazy and that the swelling of my ankles and legs from the knee down WAS.NOT.NORMAL . . . nor was it IN.MY.HEAD.  (It was all indeed in my legs.  Ha-ha.) 

What I thought was going to be a quick cosmetic fix, turned into a medically necessary urgency.  I had multiple bad veins on both my right and left legs.  Instead of the blood flowing back up to my heart and recirculating, the blood stopped at my knee and pooled back down to my ankles and feet.  Hence, the reason for the constant leg, ankle and feet swelling AND the consistent throbbing pain that I went to bed with every night and woke up every morning with.  The docs were surprised that I hadn't had any major blood clots or any other setbacks since my veins were in such bad condition.

Today I just had my fourth leg vein surgery.  I only have two more left.  After those, I will have four sessions of this.  And then I will be able to do what I set out to do one year ago . . .  be rid of the spider and varicose VEINS.  Have I mentioned how incredibly GRATEFUL I am for health insurance benefits? 

I do have to say that I thought the whole Lamaze breathing thing for giving birth was completely OVER RATED.  But let me tell you, I have been putting my breathing techniques into good use with these surgeries.  To put it into perspective, just imagine trying to shove a garden hose through the opening of a small coffee stirrer.  And then have an elephant step onto your groin area.  That's what it feels like as they are trying to slip the catheter through the vein and then guide the laser through the catheter.  When they fire up the laser you feel this MAJOR pressure in the groin area.  O.K. so that might be a slight exaggeration, but two of my three child-births were without meds and/or epidural.  If I have to choose between childbirth without meds/epidural and leg vein treatment, I would choose childbirth hands down.  And that IS NOT an exaggeration.

Secrets

O.K. so I have a confession to make.  I might as well come clean.  For Christmas, my parents gave Tino a subscription to a really cool magazine.  I am the one that makes the weekly trek down the street to the mailbox.  This means that I am the first person to find out that Tino's cool magazine for the month has arrived.  I sneak it into the house.  I hide it under my pillow.  This magazine ROCKS.  Am I a bad person for taking my son's magazine when it was a gift intended for him and not for me?  Is it wrong for me to enjoy this magazine and read it cover to cover before handing it over?  After having the magazine in my possession for approximately one week, I take it into his room and exclaim excitedly "Hey Ti-man . . . your magazine arrived!!!" 

Seriously, I don't know what the appeal is.  Is it that I am the parent of a recently turned 12 year old?  Is it that I work with teens every single day?  Is it that I once was a teen?

One of the articles this month is about tolerance. Elder Russell M. Nelson states:  Tolerance is a virtue much needed in our turbulent world. But we must recognize that there is a difference between tolerance and tolerate. Your gracious tolerance for an individual does not grant him or her license to do wrong, nor does your tolerance obligate you to tolerate his or her misdeed. That distinction is fundamental to an understanding of this vital virtue.

An erroneous assumption could be made that if a little of something is good, a lot must be better. Not so! Overdoses of needed medication can be toxic. Boundless mercy could oppose justice. So tolerance, without limit, could lead to spineless permissiveness.

The Lord drew boundary lines to define acceptable limits of tolerance. Danger rises when those divine limits are disobeyed. Just as parents teach little children not to run and play in the street, the Savior taught us that we need not tolerate evil. “Jesus went into the temple of God, … and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers” (Matthew 21:12; see also Mark 11:15). Though He loves the sinner, the Lord said that He “cannot look upon sin with the least degree of allowance” (D&C 1:31).

Real love for the sinner may compel courageous confrontation—not acquiescence! Real love does not support self-destructing behavior.

I had never before distinguished a difference between tolerance and tolerating misdeeds. This topic has been weighing heavily on my mind lately.  If Tino knew my deep dark secret, would he have tolerance towards me or would he tolerate my misdeed of magazine stealing borrowing? 

On a more serious note, how often do we turn a blind eye towards someone that has made poor choices and is spiraling down the slippery path of self-destruction?  How often are we willing to confront that person courageously?  Things that make you go hmmmmmmmmmmm.
   

Facebook Fasting

I was completely inspired by my cousin to close my FB account.  Except for I couldn't do that because I am a complete and total FB addict.  I have a very addictive personality.  I go through cycles.  My addictions go something like this:  blogging, coupon clipping and deal-finding, community service and/or politics, food and/or exercising/working out, and FB.

Instead of closing my account, I decided I would go on a FB fast.  My family was right.  They mocked me and told me I couldn't stay away from FB for more than 2 weeks.  I was shooting for two months. Why 2 months?  #1 Just to prove my family wrong.  #2 Two months marks a very important date that I was advised by my former Stake President to wait for before I make any decisions that could impact my family for better or for worse.

I was FB free for ALMOST 2 weeks.  I have noticed that although FB is a huge time suck, it is healthy for me because I am able to vent.  FB is my free therapy when I am not able to rush downtown after work and visit Dr. Cam (the therapist I pay to help me work on my ISSUES).  It actually turned into more of an issue that I wasn't on FB.  I received text messages, e-mails, and phone calls from family/friends asking me if everything was o.k.  I even got stopped in the foyer of church last Sunday by two people making sure everything was alright because I hadn't been updating on FB.

This morning before work, Cristian and I had a deep conversation.  Tonight when Cristian got home from work he asked me why I hadn't told him (about two months ago) the things I told him this morning.  I responded that I was trying to edit for him and that I didn't want to let him know the worries and disappointments of my world.  He then told me that my editing function is broken.  He said I don't edit.  I accumulate.  I keep everything inside until I can't possibly hold anything else in.  Then I burst.  And explode.  Or meltdown.  (I think this morning may have been a combination of all three.)

Effective immediately, Cristian is changing tactics with me.  Instead of just assuming that all is well in my world, he is going to ask questions and encourage me to talk.  He wants to help me be less of an accumulator.  (One of the biggest problems of being an accumulator is that I have difficulty LETTING THINGS GO and NOT HOLDING GRUDGES.)    Anyway, with the combined help of Cristian, FB, a little bit of blogging here and there, and Dr. Cam . . .  I will try to be less of an accumulator.

And don't worry friends and family all is well in my world  . . . according to my most recent FB status.