How to Get Out of a Funk

My blog friend Stie has started "How-To Tuesdays".  As every single one of my five or six faithful blog readers know, I am always running just a little bit late for the party.  I have not had ANY idea what bits of wisdom I could possibly add to the blogosphere.   But then it struck me . . . almost like a bolt of lightning.  I can post about "How to Get Out of a Funk".  This post is not funny.  This post is not creative.  Actually it might be rather dull and boring, but here is my "How-To Tuesday" . . . brought to you on a Thursday. I have referenced forgiveness and trust in other blog postings.  This post includes everything else I haven't mentioned before.  (Or maybe I have mentioned it, but if you are anything like me it helps to REITERATE some of these steps.)

1.  Have an event in your life happen that you never ever possibly imagined could happen to you.  It could be health related, family related, job related, etc.  You choose.

2.  If you are a spiritual person, seek spiritual guidance ASAP.  Seek the counsel of church leaders AND don't be afraid to ask for priesthood blessings or to be put on the prayer rolls/lists of your local church congregation.  Be honest with the person or people that you go to for spiritual guidance.  They cannot help you if you do not confide in them.  They are usually pretty in tune with the Spirit so they will call you out almost immediately if you are withholding information.

3.  Go through an intense GRIEVING process.  Cycle through the grieving process over and over again.  Realize that there are several stages to the grieving process.

1. Denial and Isolation.At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place, and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. This stage may last a few moments, or longer.
2. Anger.
   The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt (even if he's dead), or at the world, for letting it happen. The grieving person may be angry with himself/herself for letting the event take place, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it.
3. Bargaining.
   Now the grieving person may make bargains with God, asking, "If I do this, will you take away the loss?"
4. Depression.
   The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath.
5. Acceptance.
   This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.

 4.  Vow to not say anything to anyone about the event or chain of events that has put you into a funk.  Then about 10 minutes after making that vow, pick up the phone and call your nearest family member or friend.  Cry on the nearest family member or friend's shoulder if they happen to live close.  After about one week of grieving, decide that it's too much to handle alone.  Delegate the family member or friend that you had confided in to call and notify the rest of the family members (parents and other siblings) and let them know what is going on in your life.  The same family member or friend will also be very good at sending out an SOS text or message to former missionary companions and/or friends letting them know "You really need to push yourself back into Heidi's life right now.  She needs you".

5.  Prioritize.  Put all things God related first.  Realize that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ will help you get through this.  Visit your temple/church often, fast and pray, read your scriptures, etc.  Learn to become spiritually selfish.

6.  Learn to scale back and say "NO".  "I would love to go to the party this weekend but . . ."  "I know we scheduled a play date with the kids but . . ."  Stop with the excuses.  There is absolutely no need to justify and make excuses.  Just learn to say no.  And leave it at that.   At first when you start saying no this will really throw people off.  NOBODY is used to you saying no (employers/supervisors, PTA, SAC, church leaders, neighbors, family, friends, etc.) and this will be a paradigm shift for all involved.  I repeat . . . learn to say no.  And make no excuses.  After all, most of the excuses sound pretty lame anyway.  Just give it up while you are AHEAD.  Don't say yes just to say yes.  It frustrates those you have said "yes" to and it makes them want to bop you over the head for turning into a big giant FLAKE who is completely incapable at this time of making and keeping commitments.

7.  Listen (for once) to husband's advice and counsel.  For now, just take one day at a time.  Have five things and five things only on the daily to-do list.  Sleep.  Eat.  Go to Work.  Go to School.   PRAY.  (And once you have finished writing your thesis and your Master's degree has been officially conferred, you can cross "go to school" off your list.)

8.  Give up the need to know.  Since this is a vulnerable time in your life, the more you find out could open the door to more hurt and more pain.  Try not to be too curious.  Relinquish your status as a card-carrying member of the CIA.  (Although keep in mind that if you are looking for employment in the future, know that you are a darn good investigator, detective, and even whistle-blower).

9.  Learn to let go.  Embrace the motto "Let Go and Let God."  Heavenly Father knows his plan for us and it's on HIS time not on our time.  Let the dust settle before making any big decisions.  There is no need to rush.  No need to hurry.  Sit back.  Relax.  And try to enjoy the holding pattern you are in.

10.  Read.  Put scriptures at the top of the list.  After the daily scripture study, find time for "pleasure reads" such as The Peacegiver:  How Christ Offers to Heal Our Hearts and Homes, The Holy Secret, The Speed of Trust, Simplify:  A Guide to Caring for the Soul, or a devotional like Bread or Stones.

11.  Make plenty of ME time.  My ME time has included:  visiting the temple, working out with a personal trainer, visiting the chiropractor on a weekly or at least semi-monthly basis,  seeing a therapist (minimum of twice per month), waxing and facials once a month, and manis/pedis once a month.  I haven't been a "hang out with friends" type of person since I got married, but I now try to make girl time and hanging out with friends a priority.  It happens once every month to six weeks which is HUGE for me.  Go ahead.  Call me social butterfly.

12.  Keep in mind that regret of the past and fear of the future are twin thieves of today.  Try ever so hard to live in the moment.  Try not to obsess and get caught up in putting a deadline on difficult decisions.  Allow the dust to settle.  

In this time of vulnerability it is so easy to fall into the role as victim.  Perhaps these challenges were given to you so that you would be forced to look into the mirror.  And reflect.  And make changes that will make you an even better person inside and out.  If your funk is a direct result caused by poor choices of others, make this your new mantra:  "I feel with loving compassion the problems of others without getting caught up emotionally in whatever God gives them for their own growth."

If there is another person involved in your funk, that person needs to be willing to make changes on his or her own.  Pray for that person.  OFTEN.  Try not to fix the other person.  It simply will not work.  Resist the urge to  get emotionally sucked in to their problems.  Remember, at this point your plate is still full and you need to worry about getting yourself out of the funk.  You can't rescue and try to help someone else get out of their funk. The desire for true change and change of heart needs to come from within.

Stay tuned for next week's installment of "How to Be a Supportive Family Member or Friend to Someone Who is Trying to Get Out of a Funk".